Bey and Jay released a trailer for… something. I’m not sure if it’s a trailer for their tour, or if there’s an actual full version of the film floating around somewhere. At almost 4 minutes long it’s movie in and of itself, but who knows with these two? Anywho, here are 7 things we gleaned Beyoncé & Jay Z’s On The Run trailer.

1. People in Hollywood will do anything for Beyoncé.

This trailer features cameos from:

  • Sean Penn
  • Don Cheadle
  • Guillermo Díaz
  • Emmy Rossum
  • Jake Gyllenhaal
  • Blake Lively
  • Rashida Jones
  • Kidada Jones

Jake Gyllenhal On The Run beyonce Jay ZEmmy Rossum On The Run beyonce Jay Z

Many of these people aren’t exactly hurting for a check, so I’m assuming they must love them some Bey Z.

2. I don’t think Beyoncé has ever actually held a gun in her life.

Exhibit A:

On the run video Beyonce Jay Z

Exhibit B:

On the run video Beyonce Jay ZThat’s right girl, you calmly walk steadily without actually moving as you blindly shoot into nothing.

3. Beyoncé still can’t act.

Now, y’all know I love Bey more than I love hot biscuits on Sunday mornings. I have contributed in excess of thousands of dollars (no, literally) to her career in the past decade. If I had my way, September 4th of every year would be a national holiday and we’d all be forced to wear lace fronts and stand idly by as oursister attacked out husbands in elevators.

However, I acknowledge the fact that as an actress, Bey just isn’t that great. From The Fighting Temptations, to Dreamgirls, to Obsessed (“YOU CAME IN MAH HOUSE. YOU TOUCHED MAH CHILE?!”), Bey has never been known for her award-winning theatrical work. Like in this trailer when she blankly stares at Blake Lively and says “I LUH HIM.”

On the run video Beyonce Jay Z

We still luh you doe Bey.

4.This is obviously a continuation of their first video together, released over a decade ago.

 

5. There’s comedy!

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There’s a cute moment with Rashida and Kidada Jones in a lineup with Bey, who has obviously committed some heinous crime, as her open blazer/lace bra ensemble is drenched in blood.

6. At one point Bey is swimming in a pool with lots of money.

On the run video Beyonce Jay Z

Exactly how I’d spend my time if I had lots of money. Getting it wet. And possibly sucked up by a pool vacuum.

7. The music is banging.

We get a lot of different music in this trailer, some we haven’t heard before. Maybe Bey and Jay are priming us for a duet album, to be realized shortly before the tour?

On the run video Beyonce Jay ZOn the run video Beyonce Jay ZOn the run video Beyonce Jay ZOn the run video Beyonce Jay Z

Which I’m here for! The Carters have always made beautiful music together. Maybe this trailer is for an extended concept video, where their songs will be the backdrop to the violence and mayhem? That would be cool, except at the end we get this graphic:

On the run video Beyonce Jay ZWHAT?! I just sat through 4 minutes of that and it’s not even going to be a real movie. How dare they.

On the run video Beyonce Jay Z