I know what you’ve been thinking, dearest internet.

“Wow, State of Awesome. As a website, you really have it all. The only thing you might be lacking is weekly updates on the finest dramatic masterpiece theatre of our time.”

Well, since we’ve already been giving you recaps of Game of Thrones and Rupaul’s Drag Race, obviously the only other program you must be thinking of is…

Yes, that’s right. Welcome to the first ever catch-up on what the heck kind of crazy went on in Rosewood this week.

Tonight, we join our liars, in the twenty-first month of their senior year…

See? They’re totally all 17.

Emily’s mom starts things off for us by extending a super awkward dinner invite to the gang. In one of their trademark bathroom confessional scenes, Ali admits her nerves to Emily because, you know, she almost died again last week. She gets even more nervous once new girl Sydney comes out of a stall and creepily touches her scarf with a “Gollum/the precious” kind of attitude. Also, homegirl doesn’t flush and doesn’t wash her hands. Eww, much?

Mona pretends like she’s not in cahoots with Sydney as Emily confronts her about last week’s dead rat saga. (Sidenote: With all the houses getting blown up and people almost getting choked to death, you’d think Emily would learn not to sweat the small stuff, such as a murdered rodent casually tossed in your ex-girlfriend’s locker.)

As Hanna walks over to Caleb in the next shot, you can clearly tell that she is now a rebel due to the darker shade of lipstick and black streaks in her hair.

Could basically be mistaken for a 1970s NYC punk rocker, amirite?

She broods with Caleb for a bit, but leaves Haleb fans hanging when she later demands he explain himself for mouthing off to Ali. For a girl who wants to get out from under Alison’s shadow, she sure does still cower underneath it a lot. Hanna’s attitude also gives Caleb a great too-cool-for-school guy walkout. (No but literally too – he walked out of his exit exams.)

Meanwhile at Radley, aka “the creepiest place on earth that is publicly known to be full of oversight, coverups, murder, etc and yet is still fully operational with seemingly no repercussions,” Aria has started her volunteer/Bethany snooping work. After a stereotypically creepy art class encounter, Aria discovers Bethany’s roommate and, along with her, Bethany’s sketchbook.

Spencer borrows some of Ezra’s super spy equipment to check out how shady Melissa may or may not be. (Personal opinion: I’m on the fence with Melissa. She gives Spencer this whole speech on love and doing awful things to protect the people you love blah blah blah. Maybe she’s double agenting it and Mona is unaware. Then again, Mona is Mona and she probably knows. She’s the devil like that.)

Hanna shows up late to the dinner party at Emily’s and doesn’t take kindly to Ali’s subtle hint to stop seeing Caleb. What’s a girl to do? Well, this is Hanna, so it’s obviously time to make a poor decision. Is that a full bottle of vodka that Mrs. Fields just left out in the open right next to the water and coke she intended for the girls to drink? Someone get this woman a mom of the year award.

After getting kicked out of the lamest dinner party ever, Hanna goes for coffee at the Brew and ends up blabbing to Sydney about Jenna. Caleb shows up and proceeds to order three brownies (gee, wonder what he’s been up to) before going over to do even more brooding with Hanna. Luckily, this time said brooding ends with a much anticipated saliva swap.

Mrs. Fields admits that the only reason she asked everyone over for dinner was to see if Emily and Ali had a love connection going on. Kinda weird, but on par with Rosewood parenting, I guess. She also mentions that Ali’s kidnapping story has some big holes in it and the police are on to her. Try as she might, Emily won’t be able to save her from everything after all.

Next, Spencer catches Alison on the motion sensor camera she set up to watch Melissa. Hmm…Alison doing something shady – what a refreshing change of pace.

Spence gathers the other girls to discuss Ali’s possible motives when all but Hanna get a text from A. The message: “New York, New York, it’s a helluva town. Ali’s keeping secrets. Maybe that’s because of Hanna’s big mouth.”

With Aria, Spencer, and Emily set to pounce on Hanna and begin the probable first big rift of the season, we’re left with a final image of A opening an invite to Aria’s mom’s engagement party. Does this mean we may finally see one or both of the Montgomery parents in the coming weeks? Y’all remember when Aria had a mom and a dad present in her life? Like two seasons ago? Good times.

Overall Thoughts

Rosewood Crazy Scale: 4/10
Way too sane for a normal week in this town. No one died. No one even almost died.

Best line: Spencer to Melissa
“This is not about love. If it were about love, then there wouldn’t be bodies buried in backyards up and down this street. This is about lies. And whispered conversations that stop when somebody walks into a room.”

Mystery of the week: Eddie Lamb
He was awkwardly threatening towards Aria and then skipped out on his meeting that he set up with Ezra. Is he dead? Is he a member of the A team? Is he secretly just Mona wearing a mask?

Until next week, Liars.

  • This was a very awesome read! Thanks for giggles!