I have an unrepentant love affair with fast food. I’m also of the mindset that breakfast is extremely appropriate at any time, and at any place. (Except probably not a funeral. Honor the dead and all that.) That’s why I was thrilled when Taco Bell announced they’d be officially rolling out their breakfast nationwide. And now I present to you, my dear reader, my review of Taco Bell’s new breakfast. I survived. And so can you.
I pulled up to the Taco Bell drive thru early Saturday morning anticipating a line several cars deep. Instead I was greeted by a trio of birds eagerly attacking the remains of a discarded soft taco. I took this as a good sign and scanned the menu for what I wanted. I ended up getting an A.M. Crunchwrap (Bacon), a waffle taco (bacon) and an order of Cinnabon Delights.
The drive thru attendant cheerily asked if I’d like to add a MTN Dew AM, which from what I surmise is Mountain Dew and orange juice. There’s something ungainly about drinking neon green liquid before 3 PM, so I declined. Also, I have standards.* After a longer than normal wait (which was odd, seeing as though I was literally the only one there. I swear I saw a tumbleweed sweep lazily across my field of vision) I received my bounty of processed meat crammed into psuedo-Mexican carbs.
Editors note: I created a new scale of measurement just for this article. Behold, the BSEAH, which is short for “Britney Spears Eating a Hard Taco” rating system.
Three or more BSEAHTs means that I would like for Taco Bell togimme gimme more, 2 or less means that I think it’s toxic. I think you’ll agree that it is an entirely scientific and accurate scoring measurement.
Thing 1: AM Crunchwrap (Bacon)
I’m not going to lie to you. I found the AM Crunchwrap to be delicious and would gladly eat one in the PM. I would eat it on a boat. I would eat it in the sand. I do like the AM Crunchwrap, Sam I Am. Basically this is a saucer-sized hash brown embedded with scrambled eggs, bacon and cheese, encased in a tortilla and grilled. The thing that really took it over the point for me was the addition of whatever secret sauce the Taco Bell uses on its quesadillas. It’s rich and savory and I’d like a direct IV of it right into my veins.
Thing 2: Waffle Taco (Bacon)
This did not take me anywhere I wanted to go. Instead of making me feel like Lindsay Lohan circa 2004, I felt like Lindsay Lohan that time Oprah cussed at her.
As you can see from the delightful image above, this wasn’t exactly in line with the gorgeous photos that Taco Bell had on the menu. Now, I’m not above eating things that look like they’ve already been digested. I eat at Golden Corral, people. This aint my first rodeo. But I really wasn’t feeling my waffle taco. It came with a cool little packet of branded syrup, but that did little to enhance the flavor of what had to be a store brand Eggo. The only reason this didn’t get zero BSEAHTs was because of the bacon, once again proving that bacon makes everything better.
Thing 3: Cinnabon Delights
Now, this isn’t really a fair portion of the review because these have been available at Taco Bell’s in my area for the past 6 months or so. But these. Are. Delicious. If you love the way you feel after eating the 8 lbs of dough the comprises a Cinnabon, then you’ll love these. It’s like a little ball of churro deliciousness with a core of sweet icing. Fried. Oddly enough, mine were still cold in the middle (something that has never happened on my previous outings) but they were still better than the waffle taco.
And there you have it! Taco Bell’s new breakfast rollout looks promising, but may need a bit of tweaking. Have you tried it? Let us know below!