We begin our saga right where last week left off – Ali has made a poor decision without consulting her friends while also entwining them into said poor decision forcing them to go along one stop further on the crazy train.

Oh hold up, that’s how every week leaves off.

Everyone is snarky to everyone until Hanna finally delivers this beaut of a line concerning Alison:

I totally, 100% believe that Alison could make a doorknob smell annoying.

Emily rides her bike home to find Noel in his car listening to incriminating tape recordings of Ali with his windows down. At this point, he deserves to have things stolen from him.

The next morning, Hanna’s mom attempts a bonding session with her daughter which is mostly awkward because a Rosewood parent trying to actually parent just feels wrong at this point. What we end up with is a lecture on the dangers of alcohol after – OH NO – Hanna’s flask slips out of her bag! But wait, does she actually experience any repercussions for being caught in the early stages of alcoholism?? Does Ms. Marin ground her or take away her phone away or anything that remotely resembles a punishment?

Ron Swanson judges you if you can’t guess the answer.

At the school, we finally have what seems to be a legitimate police interview! Ms. Montgomery sits with Aria as Detective Tanner straight-up asks if Ezra makes a habit of dating students. She’s specifically searching for a stronger connection between Ezra and Shana which Aria takes great offense to as she proclaims- “He wasn’t some creep that was prowling the school hallways hitting on girls!”

You’re right, Aria! He wasn’t. He only engaged in one relationship with a student, so that makes it all good. Geez, what a stand-up guy!

After the easiest interview in the world, Emily get the swim team coaching gig…and promptly steals Nate’s keys out of his gym locker to then steal the photos and recordings of Ali from his car. Good job displaying that high moral fiber that is necessary for all leadership, Assistant Coach Fields!

Spencer goes to Caleb’s cabin (which looks like a set from The Walking Dead) to confront him about leading Hanna down her current path of destruction. All the Haleb fans that have been yelling at their TVs for him to put on his big girl panties and get over it raise their glasses in agreement. Alas, an offended Caleb throws Spencer out, because he’s still super sensitive over his show getting cancelled.

Yeah. I went there.

Spencer is at the eye doctor when she discovers one of A’s most creative scare tactics yet –

pll eye doctor

Come on, A – that glaucoma test is trauma enough.

She also sees a double Jenna which (understandably) freaks her out. As Emily arrives to help her sort everything out, we get a great confrontation between the two liars and Jenna’s lookalike which turns out to be (drumroll) …Sydney! Her double agent status is no more.

Currently Sydney, but really…everyone.

Ms. Montgomery leaves Aria alone with her skuzzball fiance because she has a very important hair appointment for their engagement party that night. But let’s compare Ms. Montgomery’s hair before and after this visit to the salon, shall we?

montgomery

Did the hair department call in sick this day of shooting? Come on, guys. At least try a little bit.

Within the next ten minutes we see Hanna confess to Caleb about Zach, Aria confess to her mom about Zach, and Caleb’s fist confess to Zach that he is really not a fan of him.

…and all the PLL Fandom said, “Amen.”

Emily goes psycho on Sydney when she shows up to make amends for her double crossing. Like…she kinda threatens to drown her? A completely logical and called for reaction…in Rosewood.

Speaking of threatening to kill people, Spencer gets to do it too! Noel kinda had it coming hiding underneath that sheet like A while trying to get his Ali blackmail material back. I love that in the same breath that Spencer threatens to “cut his face open” with a fireplace stoker she also promises that she will keep his photos and recordings a very safe place as insurance for all of them. That’s so thoughtful of you, crazy lady, thank you for the hand wound!

Here’s to hoping Nate’s tetanus shot is up-to-date.

We finally get the happy make up scene we needed between Hanna and Aria and – bonus! – Aria’s dad is back from that 2 year 2 week trip to Philadelphia!

These tie-ups feel like a nice ending, but hold u pwait a minute, there is a man at the police station claiming to be Ali’s kidnapper that she must go identify. Ali and Ms. Marin head down to the precinct where they see the utterly recognizable face of –

pll kidnapper

Wait.

WHAT.

WHO.

IS.

THAT.

In conclusion:

Rosewood Crazy Scale: 7/10
A fake kidnapper showed up and confessed to a fake kidnapping. Aria’s mom was saved from marrying a douchebag. Hanna and Aria made up. Actual good things happened to the liars and in this town, that is crazy.

Best Line: Alison &  Jenna
Ali: Wait. How’d you do it?
Jenna: What?
Ali: Shana. She was my friend before she met you. How’d you turn her against me?
Jenna: I didn’t. You did.

Mystery of the Week: WHO IS THAT GUY IN THE POLICE STATION? Did A send him? Why did A send him? And why is “ruggedly handsome” a requirement for every bad guy in this show??