By now we’ve all seen the infamous video of Basement Baby Solange going HAM on Jay in an elevator as Beyonce calmly looks on. It’s our right (nay, DUTY) as Americans to speculate wildly on what the fight might have been about, so here are our theories as to what Jay could have said to solo that made her lose her mind (and almost her wig).

1. “You were horrible in ‘Bring It On: All Or Nothing'”

Before she became the zen, neo soul, I-reject-mainstream-culture-and-occasionally-look-like-I-don’t-bathe icon we all love, Solo had a part in the first Bring It On Sequel, ‘Bring It On: All Or Nothing’, which was basically the first movie, except with Hayden Panty-air, and gems like these:

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Suffice it to say, it wasn’t the best film, and Solange’s weave looked really thirsty during the majority of it.

2. “NO YOU CAN’T HAVE CUSTODY OF YOUR DAUGHTER, BLU IVY”

There are dozens of rumors swirling around the Knowles clan, none more prevalent than Beyonce faking her pregnancy. While this conspiracy theory is fun, it doesn’t really add up – Solange has her own ankle-biter, and there’s photo proof of Solange hanging with Bey while Blu Ivy is incubating. Also a fun theory: Solange is Beyonce’s daughter, somehow. That would mean Beyonce had Solange at the ripe old age of five. Kids these days.

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3. “Your wig looks dusty.”

I wasn’t really feeling Solange’s look at the Met, and perhaps neither was Jay. For the past two or three years Solo has been rocking a natural look, so maybe the permed bob offended Jay. Maybe he believes that there can only be one Knowles who rocks a full wig?screenshot-cdn.images.express.co.uk 2014-05-13 10-04-01

4. “I Farted.”

Jay just looks like the type to harbor SBDs – silent but deadly’s. If he unleashed one of those in a confined space, I’d be kind of upset, too.

5. “We’re taking you off the payroll.”

Let’s be honest for a second: If Solange wasn’t related to Beyonce, would she be in movies and releasing records? I say this as someone who dug Solange’s first album, but acknowledge that as an artist, she’s not doing anything that Badu hasn’t done before – and with vocal talent that is adequate, but I’d honestly take Kelly or Michelle over Solo’s voice. While I’m sure she has her own cash revenue coming in (she is a “DJ”), wearing vintage suits and wigs from the 70s aint cheap. Bey has been known to abruptly cut people off before in the past – most notably, her dad Joe Jackson Part 2 Mathew. Solo is most famous for attending events with her sister and in general trading off the Knowles’ name, so maybe Jay told Solo to hit the streets.

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6. “Joffrey dies.”

Who knows, maybe Solange is a  Game Of Thrones fan. I’d go off if someone spoiled it for me, too.

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If the Illuminati Beyonce’s PR people have their way, we’ll probably never know the real reason why Solange went off in that elevator. But we’ll always have the memes.

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  • coolmulalover

    Lol, I’m loving this blog.

  • *dead*