Oooh, girl! It’s time to RuCap last night’s Drag Race! Needless to say, spoilers lie within this fuzzy pink box. Reading is fundamental – enter with caution. Haven’t seen the episode yet? Head to LOGO TV to watch it, free!
Hello hello, Queenagers!
We are in the Top 6 and super excited to narrow the field to the top 5 with the help of guest judges Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka. NPH can teach me how to Doogie (Howser) any day.
MINI CHALLENGE – TWERK OF ART
This week’s Mini Challenge was to make a Twerk of Art. The queens dip themselves into vibrant colors and become human paintbrushes, rolling around on blank canvas’s to create rich artistic expressions—or whatever the fuck they say they made “intentionally”. For five thrilling minutes, the girls shake their red and purple painted Monet-makers, turning the canvas’s into canv-ass-es. Though most of the pieces were Targ-ART (Target + Art) at best, our own little Jackson Poll-Cock Bianca Del Rio reigned once again with her “political tree” or whatever the fuck she said she made. It is still to be determined what had more paint— her canvas or her eyes.
MAIN COURSE – WEDDING BELLS
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something… Ru! Enter RuPaul, ORDAINED MINISTER… Or Men-is-Her, who will be officiating the weddings of six different couples, with the help of our fabulous Queens. As the winner of the mini challenge, Bianca assigns each contestant a blushing bride… but wait, there’s more! Enter, grooms-to-be! TIME FOR A GOOD OLE’ FASHION GENDER ROLE SWAP—DRAG RACE STYLE! Our queens must dragify these burly bride-grooms into blushing brides! Using their charm, uniqueness, nerve, and sewing skills, the squirrelfriends must not only make their grooms into Queens-to-be, but they must dress themselves as Drag mothers. The looks must be cohesive, and family resemblance is a MUST or BUST.
At the start of the prep, Adore complains that she can’t sew and she doesn’t “do makeup.” Well one thing we know for sure is that she can BITCH. RuPaul’s BITCH RACE is more like it, amiright? Joslyn Fox is given a basketball playing guy-bride who is classically “uncomfortable” with what “his boys” will “think” about “him.” If you ask me, he’s a little too worried about his “sexuality” and less about his “wedding day.”
Darienne Lake, the mean queen, is handed a metal head for her bride. The groom’s first request is that his look be “goth and fun.” Not two words that typically go together, but hey, if Courtney Act can make it this far in the competition without showing anything whatsoever about her personality, despite the fact that she’s constantly talking, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! Jim Morrison + Detox = Goth Drag. Noted.
DeLaCreme and Courtney Act, may not be the winners this challenge, but they certainly aren’t the losers. They both have been given sexy, sexy men… the sexiest men turn into the fiercest women (see Milk, sans Pinocchio nose).
Bianca is clearly killing it, so there is no need even need to mention anything.
Adore is a fucking mess. Does Forever 21 make wedding dresses?
SISSY DAT WALK… DOWN THE AISLE
The wedding bells are ringing, and these brides are looking FIERCE! Teams Bianca, BenDeLaCreme and Courtney Act are the best in show, but it’s a rainy wedding day for Darriene Lake, Joslyn and Adore. After the queens take their drag-daughters down the aisle, the couples say their vows, and Reverend Ru makes their love official! But not before Bianca throws some major shade at Joslyn’s bride.
Bianca and her groom killed it in the walk, the look and the family resemblance making Bianca the undisputed champ (again), and earning her a trip to Hawaii for 2! TAKE US! #RATSONAPLANE
As any basketball player throwing up in the garbage because he was so nervous about being bullied in the locker room for being on Drag Race could tell you (flashes of Willam, anyone?), it was clear that Adore and Joslyn would find themselves lip syncing for their lives this week. After a rousing performance of Aretha Franklin’s “Think”, Ru declared that Adore would stay, and Ru-merica’s ultimate sweetheart, Joslyn Fox, sashayed away.
We are saddened to see this bucket of sunshine and cuteness leave, and wish her only the best in her career as a hoochie mama drag queen. LOVE YOU, GIRL! #wompwomp.
Best quote of the night:
Ru: “You two have been together 10 years, what’s your secret?”
David Burtka: “Never go to bed angry.”
NPH: “I haven’t slept in 6 months.”
Best Moment: When Adore’s bride loudly exclaimed “This looks like a thrift store wig.”
Best Pun: Stop relying on that Body-celli
Worst Pun: Anything said by Santino Rice