Growing up, I had a great group friends. We hung out Saturday mornings (and eventually every day) for about an hour or so. My friends’ names were Cory, Shawn, and Topanga. No, I did not know them in reality, but they were my first group of friends in my head, and they taught me a lot about myself. Cory, Shawn, and Topanga, along with the help of their friends and family (Eric, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews, Shawn’s trailer park father, Angela, Rachel, Shawn’s random rich brother, and of course Fe-Fee-Feeny!) helped mold me and millions of other kids into the awkward adults that we are today.

Boy Meets World taught us important life lessons, like…

…being true to one’s self.

…curtains on a man will always be in style.

 shawn before

shawn sfter…and that Ski Lodges are terrible places when you’re in a long term relationship.

this hooker

So when this masterpiece of a show ended after 7 glorious seasons in 2000, naturally I was a bit heartbroken. So many questions left unanswered! Several years of sulking and one Boy Meets World reunion petition later, sweet baby Jesus heard my prayers of a reunion and sort of granted my wish. GIRL MEETS WORLD! A new Disney show that will follow the life of Cory and Topanga’s eldest daughter and her best friend as she basically does the same crap Cory did all the those years ago, and which promises appearances from all of the friends from my youth. Fast Forward to now! THE PREMIERE OF GIRL MEETS WORLD! Before I continue, if you missed the first episode then just watch the trailer (all you really need) and I shall continue after you collect your thoughts.

You ready?

THIS SHOW IS TERRIBLE!!!!!

DO NOT WATCH GIRL MEETS WORLD!!!!!

Have you ever wondered how many times you can roll your eyes and exclaim “UGHHHHH” within a 22 minute sitcom? Watch Girl Meets World and you will find out.

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The first episode of this trash opened with Corey’s daughter Riley (Rowan Blanchard) and her best friend Maya (Sabrina Carpenter), a tween with the voice of a 45-year-old lounge singer who smokes 2 packs a day as they attempt to make an escape to Witch Mountain… I mean, the subway. The plan gets botched with Corey Matthews, played by Corey Matthews, stops them and Topanga Lawrence Matthews, played by Topanga Lawrence Matthews, tells them that “It’s still our world.” The show goes downhill from there.

The new writers of this show made a really crappy attempt at giving Riley all of Cory’s quirky boyhood qualities, while giving all of Regina George’s characteristics to Maya. Corey is now the new Mr. Feeny and Topanga is completely irrelevant within the first episode.  Did I mention Jackee Harry was there too?!

jackee

So here’s how the show went!

Maya: I’m a bad influence. Let’s sneak out!

Riley: Oh I don’t know, I’m scared of the world…

Maya: Shut up. I’m Regina George. Now let’s go!

Corey: Not so fast young lady – I’m your dad, and this is still my world.

Topanga: And mine! But one day everything the light touches will be yours. Oh and don’t be like Maya, she’s a terrible person.

CUT TO THE TRAIN STATION

Maya: See that homeless guy? I know him but don’t give him money because I’m a terrible person.

Riley: Oh gosh, this world is tougher than it looks.

CUT TO JACKEE HARRY

Jackee: OOOOOOOHHHHH Mary!

CUT TO THE DUO AT SCHOOL IN COREY’S CLASS

Maya: SCREW HOMEWORK LET’S REVOLT!!

Riley: Oh gosh, I’m annoying. I’ll do our homework anyway as to not get in trouble.  Wait a sec, Who’s that hot guy?! I’m going to marry him. (FORESHADOWING)

Maya: MY PARENTS HATE ME!

CUT TO THEM AT THE TRAIN STATION

Topanga: The world is hard.

Riley: The world is hard.

Corey: The world is hard and still mine! But one day yours.

Maya: I’m Regina George.

Jackee Harry: OOOOOOOHHHHHH Mary!!

THE END!!!

If this show appeared on any other channel beside Disney, it would get canceled after the first airing. Now I get it you guys, the sequel is never as good as the original. But for a while this 27-year-old thought that just maybe, once a week, she could be a kid again. I could turn on the TV and reconnect with my childhood and forget that rent is an actual thing.

But if you’re hoping to reconnect with the characters you once were friends with in your head, just be happy with the memories, because you ain’t getting it from this show. Maybe it will correct itself somewhere in future but I doubt it. Oh well, back to watching Power Rangers!

  • Dang it.

  • Nooooooo!

  • Sara

    CORY. C-O-R-Y. NO E.
    and tbh, pilots are always shit. the series does pick up later.

  • No Feeny? Not into it.

  • dkc

    Feeny is there but not really a charector yet