Valentine’s Day is here again and the air is filled with the sweet scent of love and bitterness. Much like a box of chocolates, Valentine’s Days come in many varieties. Some are as delicious as the heart-shaped coating promises us, and some, after we’ve taken an eager bite, are filled with that nasty-tasting stuff we hate and leave our fingers sticky with disappointment.
Whatever your status is this Valentine’s Day, I think we can all agree that the great thing about this holiday is, whether good or bad, it’s eventually over and then all the chocolate is marked half off. Here are a few of the best and worst Valentine’s Days I’ve experienced in my decade or so on the market.
- Once when I was single, I took the subway all the way from Manhattan to Brooklyn to listen to an anti-Valentine’s Day poetry reading. After a 45-minute ride and a 15-minute walk in the snow, I arrived to locked doors and an advertisement that said the reading had been the night before. On the subway back to Manhattan, the girl seated in front of me had handful of balloons that kept hitting me in the face. She was too preoccupied making out with her boyfriend to notice, and the train was too crowded for me to move out of the way, so the balloons continued to hit me in the face for the next three stops until they got off (the train, you perv).
- Once when I wasn’t single, my high school boyfriend hand-plucked roses he grew himself in his backyard and placed them all over my car so that I would find them in the morning when I walked out to leave for school.
- Once when I was single, my dad had flowers delivered to my office building. The whole day everyone kept telling me my boyfriend had gotten me some really nice roses. I did not correct them.
- Once when I wasn’t single, my boyfriend gave me a handmade card. At the time, for whatever reason, we likened our relationship to that of Calvin and Susie in the cartoon strip Calvin and Hobbes. He addressed it to Susie and signed it as Calvin. Seems a little cheese-ball to me now, but the me back then thought it was the sweetest thing.
- Once when I was single-ish, I was going on a third date with a guy on Valentine’s Day. He didn’t acknowledge the fact that it was Valentine’s Day for the entire duration of the date, and neither did I.
- Once when I wasn’t single, this guy who wasn’t my boyfriend showed up at my doorstep with an enormous bagful of Valentine’s Day goodies, including a huge stuffed love bug. He was a friend who knew I had a boyfriend, and it wasn’t one of those situations where I secretly wanted him to be my boyfriend. Awkward. I decided, in the heat of the moment, that the only thing to do was to help him save face by not letting him see that I hadn’t gotten anything for him (?), so I ran upstairs and grabbed one of those Valentine’s Day-themed mini M&M’s bags with the label on it marked “To” and “From” and wrote his name and mine. Looking back, that probably did not help matters.
You know how this works. I showed you mine, now you show me yours. Share your own happy/horror stories in the comments below while we await the always wonderful Half-Off Chocolate Day!